Screw the Environment, I'm Drivin' Me One of These...

The little redneck town that we live near had a small town jim jam this past weekend. I forced the old man to head down to the car show so I could drool at a whole parking lot full of impractical, gas guzzling dinosaurs. I'm not 'into' cars, nor am I a mechanic, but whenever I see an old clunker with character I can't help but to swoon a little bit.

I must say that a lot of these car owners were kind of odd though, and not always in a good way. A few of the cars had these faux stuffed toddlers hiding in the bumper of the car waiting for a game of hide and seek...or perhaps they were waiting to get run over. Regardless, they are ridiculous and creep me right out. They should be banned from all craft circles immediately.

As much as I like an old boat, I think I would prefer to drive an old truck any day. I mean, you can't help but to be the coolest dirt bag in town driving a truck like this.

This car would be cool for me to have if James Dean was my boyfriend.

This pink beauty would be SO embarrassing to get into a car accident in, no? Imagine trying to look awesome in this beast and hitting a pothole at 100km/h and flipping it into a ditch. Then, the jaws of life would have to come and pry you out while you're all dolled up in some mid century number and you'd be on the cover of the local paper "Retro Girl in Vintage Car Narrowly Escapes Death". I dunno, I'd be so scared at every turn driving this. This car comes with high expectations of perfection that I don't think I could ever live up to.

This is why I should stick to driving a truck, that way if I crash or manage to back it into a post in front of a crowd they'd just say, "Man, that chick is so hardcore. She just drives like a bat out of hell in that thing. She's awesome."

Finally...I saw this little yellow car and envisioned myself driving it as a 75 year old eccentric on the open road. I'd have flaming red hair, HUGE glasses the size of 3 of my heads and my eyebrows would be shaved off and then drawn back on.

Lilac Sky

Last night, the sky was the exact same color as the lilacs.

As a decor choice, lilac has to be one of the worst colors around.

But in the sky...and as a lilac...in a tree...it sure is nice.

Old People and Old Cars

I have an obsession. Well, a few obsessions actually. They involve old cars, old men, old women and old men and women driving old cars. Oh, and I also love old men and women driving old cars really fast on the highway/interstate. One day I do plan on getting some photos of old ladies on super highways cruising along. One of the best old cars I`ve ever seen on the highway had a couple inside who were about 75 or 80. The car was a brown old boat, likely some sort of Pontiac or Chrysler number from the 70s. Of course it was in pristine condition, likely only having about 10,000km on it after decades of use. Anyway, their license plate was pretty priceless...it said, quite simply - CUNTRY. Yup. That's what it said. Okay, onto my post about old cars...

I want this car SO BAD! I would drive around in this beauty with the lights on ALL the time. You would probably see me on the side of the road being arrested in this car because I'd try and pull people over and chase people in it. I just couldn't help it. I'd also need to grow a mustache somehow if this was my car.

I also want this car really badly as well. The car itself is just a classic blue collar 70s boat, there's nothing really special about it...until you look at the back.

It has a FIGHT FORCED METRIC bumper sticker on it. "No goddamned way will I measure anything in millimetres or bloody-well centimetres!" It's funny to see what people get so bent out of shape over when the dust finally settles. To get so worked up about the metric system just seems so silly now, no? Things mean a lot at the time, I guess. Oh and I should add that the orange sticker about Bill C68 - well, that was some gun law that was passed that restricted ownership and clearly this dude wanted to keep carrying his pistol. Good thing he can't still carry it or perhaps he'd shoot someone if they couldn't convert a yard to a metre!

Highway Fashions with Mandy the Mannequin: Swimsuit Edition

It's been REALLY hot here over the last few days (35 degrees in May is not normal in Ontario). Most people have been doing their best to stay cool - eating ice cream, wearing cut off jean shorts with a thong riding up from the back, drinking lots of beer and fruit coolers. You know, country people understand what it takes to stay cool at any cost. But what happens when you're made out of metal and plaster? What if your full time job was being a highway model? How do you stay cool when you're an inanimate object who has no choice but to bake in the sun all day long?

People always say being a model is a glamorous job but I'm sure Mandy would beg to differ on days like these.

I'm not sure how she does it but Mandy always knows how to be hot and cool all at the same time.

She....wore...an....

I Want a Weird Garden.

Having a big garden is a luxury and slavery all at the same time. It's a ton of work and sometimes makes me wonder what it's all for. I don't want to spend my days toiling away at a pedestrian looking garden - I want to grow weird stuff and start sculpting and creating something truly unique. The pictures below are all I need to inspire me and my green thumb into an even higher gear.

Granny News: Spring Garden Tidbits

Well, I think it's safe to say I'm a granny now. I've been so knee-deep in flower and vegetable gardening that I've neglected my little old blog for some time now. Our gardening job has been a LOT of work and will continue to be for years to come. The woman who lived here before us never did anything. She just hung around watching the weeds take over with her 6 dogs.

Here's what the front of the house and barn looked like when we bought it a year and a half ago:

About 90% of that is weeds. The tree out front was completely dead (sadly) and there was junk all over the place. I'm almost to the point now where I've planted all of the staples, weeded out most of the problems and I'm getting close to being able to start planting some weird stuff like a Harry Lauder's Walking Stick Tree and some Edward Scissorhands style topiary. I want the house to look a bit creepy but pretty all at the same time. To try and get things going on the creepy side, I planted black tulips last fall. Sadly though, they're not actually black at all - they're deep purple. Boo!

One of my favorite tulips are these spiky pink ones that look kind of candy-like:

And I also love these red pointy ones:

Last fall, I bought a bird house that was made out of an old wooden crate and a piece of a tin ceiling. It's already being used by the birds:

Our grape vines are starting to bloom, as are the apple trees.

And I finally found a really good hammock at a yard sale and hung it here:

Nice tree shadows on the barn...

And finally...a freshly sprayed Eames style chair (don't worry, it's a knock-off and was orange and really weathered in a bad way):

Fin!