Sit Down, Take a Pee & Relax.

So, I found this chair & ottoman at a yard sale last weekend.

I had been at the sale the day before and they told me that some teak chairs would be coming Saturday morning. I returned just as they were unloading the chairs from a trailer and saw this set and made a run for it. There was a guy there who seemed strangely smug who quickly yelled over, "$40 for the set". I debated on it while fending off several other interested suckers people. I assessed a few issues with the wood and tried to see how easy it would be to recover since the fabric was so ugly. I've been looking for something like this for ages so, despite the problems, I told the guy I'd take it. My cousin, who was with me at the time, took another cool chair that was sitting beside it. Here's a quick shot of her new chair (no pee on hers!) being positioned in her apartment.

So, we hauled ass and lugged our chairs outta there so we could get to more sales. As I was carrying my chair away, I got a whiff of pee and quickly realized a dog had taken a great big piss on it (it was covered in dog hair also). So, I did what any abnormal person would do and took it home anyway and started trying to figure out how I could revamp this diaper chair into something great (and sanitary).

The smug guy who sold it to me was probably in hysterics as he watched me carry it off. "Look at that girl carrying Rusty's old chair! That dog pissed on that thing 100 times over, what a fool! Good luck, honey!"

Not only does it have the urination situation but it also has a crack on the back of the arm that I need to fix. This should be simple though (I think), as it just needs to be glued and clamped back together.

I'll probably have to spend $500 on it to recover it and get new foam so that makes me a complete moron, right? Any normal person would go to the mall or a big box store and just buy a rat leather club chair for $100, sit in it and enjoy their lives. But nooooo, not me! I need to rebuild this fucker because I have a MAJOR disorder. Anyway, I do envision it looking amazing after it's recovered in something dark/black so when I get back from holiday I'm going to tackle this. I'm going to give myself a budget for it and if it goes over, this giant Poise pad on legs will be off to the dump.

Would you try and bring this set back to life or is it totally gross?
Am I weird/creepy because I prefer that it be dog pee over old man's pee?
Did you know that, on occasion, I enjoy watching Wheel of Fortune?

Junk in the Trunk.

Last weekend I took a break from painting and other household bullshit and went on a two day junk hunting triathlon. There were three, um, disciplines - thrift stores, flea markets and yard sales - and it was exhausting (in a good way). I found lots of good stuff, including a great chair & ottoman that is covered in dog hair & pee that I will blog about soon. Until that exciting day comes, I'll show you some other treasures I found.

I got all three of these vintage wool blankets for $10! The green one is Hudson's Bay and the other two are old plaid camp blankets.

Some awesome 50s fabric.. I got two huge pieces of this stuff.

And this linen mid century fabric is amazing!

Isn't this a beauty!?

I found this neat old black typewriter but what I liked most about it was the little message on the paper that was in it...

Well, I thought this was really nice until I Googled it and saw that it is a really old religious song about heaven. Here I thought this was typed by some unknown poetic genius who died of heartbreak (and alcoholism) in an old Victorian mansion somewhere. Oh well.

Here's a few more items that aren't too special really...except for the lunchbox. At first glance it's pretty unexciting but when you look on the side you'll see...

FLOYD FINCH! Amazing. I love old people names like this.

And finally, there's this stuff. An amazing teak lamp, some jumbo brass skeleton keys, an old Bell Canada workman's bag and that gorgeous, beautiful beaten up old red cross sign. Oh how I love it! It was only $5 and it's the only thing out of all this stuff I'm keeping. The rest will be sold on Etsy or in my little shop in town when I get back from jolly old England. I should mention that I'll be away for 3 weeks starting next week (August 22 until September 12). My Etsy shop will be closed while I'm on holiday but I still may do a post or two while I'm away (can't promise though). This twat will be tweeting though, so make sure you're following me to get little snippets of weirdo English things I come across. I promise things will be heating up again when I return with more blog posts and a shitload of new stuff in the shop. Until then...you can wait on pins and needles to see my pee chair that I'll post tomorrow.

D.I.Why?

Oh woe is me! I've been absent from blogging as of late because I've been depressed, trying to muster the strength to start painting the exterior of our house. I'm ready to just cut my hands off so I am no longer able to do tasks such as these. "Oh sorry dear, you'll have to restore the whole house by yourself now, as I accidentally sawed off my hands with the table saw. Can you make me a sandwich and feed it to me and then rub my feet?" Hrm, that might not be such a bad idea...

The next house I live in will be made from solid rock ...or something like that anyway. Is it not possible to own something that involves almost no maintenance? What about a cave? This whole scraping, sanding, pressure washing bullshit is killing me. Also, it's been 30+ degrees here so doing this in the blazing sun and humidity is enough to turn me into a renter again.

Here are a few things I would rather do than deal with this painting crap...

Yup! Give me a massive bowl of curried brains and I'd eat 'em just to have someone else paint for me.

If I could marry this guy with his braided ponytail poking through his baseball hat hole I would, just so I didn't have to paint the fucking house.

I'd also marry this denim dream of a dude AND give that woman corn rows and/or a French braid a day for a year!

I'd wear these platform faux Birkenstocks for the next 10 summers to avoid the pain of the paint brush.

I'd even French kiss the fang of this squirrel corpse on some crappy reality TV show to cut myself a break!

And I'd do it all while sporting this wonderfully handmade tote...